OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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