one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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