capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
