No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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