I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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