you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
