Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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