evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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