I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
