In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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