My pussy is not your playground.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
