Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
