VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
