i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
