quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God, I missed his penis.
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