i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
