This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
