he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
