Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
