Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
