I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
