Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
