i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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