This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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