dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
