Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
