she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
