I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
