the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
