Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im holly from the hills drunk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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