while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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