Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
