So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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