Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
