I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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