He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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