We're like a lot better than the average bears
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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