problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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