Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
