So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
