I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need moral support for this bender
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
