You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
