Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
