I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
