Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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