I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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