Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
