at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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