he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
