I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
